i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
