She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
