yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
