are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
