i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
