Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
