I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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