I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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