I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
