you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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