WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
