i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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