You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
