My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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