also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize