I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
