He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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