Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
so much tequila, so little girl.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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