dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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