I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
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I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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