Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
