At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How's work?
Spinning.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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