feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this just has baby written all over it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
