Yo dont text me then not text me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
