ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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