Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
