I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
