If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
