even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
