Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
