Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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