HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
