You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize