I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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