Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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