SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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