Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's blow job season.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
