apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This is my gift to your gina
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
