My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
