She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize