hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
