you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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