I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
