Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
