Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
