you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
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Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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