My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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