3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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