I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Acid is not a monday night drug
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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