Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
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Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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