So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
