R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
