we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you win again, gameday.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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