it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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