I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
