Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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