i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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