i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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