I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
MIDGETS
????
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
