just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We don't watch enough power rangers
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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