Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
