ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
