Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
