no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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