dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
