There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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