She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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